Know Her Stories

"I thought, 'There has to be a place in the conversation about loving your skin colour. There has to be a narrative about how we are more than our trauma. We are more than the experiences that have been put on us.' So I started shifting my poetry into that."  Peace Akintade is an African-Canadian poet, public speaker, actor, model and Saskatchewan's Youth Poet Laureate for 2020-21. She currently lives in Saskatoon. We talked to Peace about her background, style, jewellery, and themes of identity and love in her poetry. H&B: Love, self-love, race, and identity are consistent themes in your poetry. In poems like “Rainbow” you say “I am the pancake that was left on too long, but I’m the gingerbread cookie that came out just right.” Given that February is often associated with both love and Black history, can you talk about the importance of self-love and how it has influenced your perspective on race and identity? A lot of my poetry has to do with Black love and Black joy. When I first came to Canada (from Nigeria at age 12) it was hard for me to practice self-care and self-love because I was introduced to what racism could truly be for the first time. Coming to a new country and suddenly having this different perspective of your skin colour as a young impressionable teen—I spent a lot of years not wanting to be Black. Around 2018 (when I started getting really into poetry) I went to a poetry festival, and I saw so many Black poets and they were all talking about trauma, racism, and ways their skin colour has put them down. And as I sat there, I felt suffocated, it was alarming to have all these problems put on you by multiple people talking about it every single day. So I left that building and when I breathed in the fresh air I thought, “There has to be a place in the conversation about loving your skin colour. There has to be a narrative about how we are more than our trauma. We are more than the experiences that have been put on us.” So I started shifting my poetry into that. Yes, we need education and awareness about our history, but we’re also humans who experience joy. That’s when I started talking about Black joy and Black love.  The reason I wrote that line is because it’s how I saw myself—as a pancake that was left on too long. Something not good enough to eat. But then I thought, “Gingerbread is the same colour, and everybody loves that colour. That’s the exact colour of gingerbread you want to eat." So that line really is all the years of me reshaping how I saw my skin colour.   "Being able to personify my skin colour with the earth, it being the same colour, and it being loved, it’s a way for me to feel I can love myself."  In another excerpt from Rainbow you say, “I was kissed by the sun before I was born and will return to earth to blend with nature. My body will begin a new cycle. My colour will always continue to be seen.” There is a loving, accepting, almost familial presence coming from nature in this passage. There’s also a kind of permanent reassurance in that “your colour will always continue to be seen.” Has a love for the natural world inspired your work?Yes, definitely. I like to say my type of poetry is personification. The line “The sun kissed me” is an expression of how I like to think about nature. Nature is so forgiving, and it’s so much a part of us. It feels like a presence that will always be there. Whenever I feel I’m not grounded, I like to go outside in my bare feet and just stand there and be like, “Ok, the earth is still here. I am still here.” It grounds me. I spent a lot of time in nature back in Africa. We’d always go running in bare feet. We’d walk up hills, jump off trees, and that’s how we lived our life daily. When I stand on the ground outside now, it’s an expression of homesickness—missing feeling a part of earth—and yet I feel reassured because the earth will always be there for us. Being able to personify my skin colour with the earth, it being the same colour, and it being loved, it’s a way for me to feel I can love myself. That connection that we have—even with the trees, being the same colour—it makes me feel like there is a place in the world for us. We all love to identify with a colour that makes us feel good. That’s the kind of thing that I think of whenever I put nature into my work. Being grateful for it and putting it into my work so it’s a part of me permanently.    Do you feel a similar kind of love, reassurance, and inspiration coming from your family? Or your ancestors? And if so, what ways do you reconnect with them? It’s been a strange journey with my family. I can talk about my ancestors. All of the stories we are told when we’re young are about bringing honour and respect to our ancestors. We’re part of a lineage. This is one of my favourite quotes: “We are standing on the shoulders of giants.” That’s something they told kids straight from birth in our village. In our culture, names are so important because the grandparents and great grandparents pick the names too. When I go back home everyone has a different name for me because they want me to be a part of their life too. That helps form a connection and a community that really looks out for you. That feeling of togetherness and similarity has really influenced my poetry. Sure our ancestors haven’t dealt with all the problems we have today, but history has a way of repeating itself so we can always find some kind of connection with them. And if we look back and think of ourselves as part of a lineage of strong, powerful people that gives me a sense of purpose. It’s sad to lay in bed and think “Why am I here?” When I think about that question, I think, “I’m here because my great, great, great grandpa decided he wanted a goat farm. That’s why I’m here. That gives me purpose and I want my great granddaughters to get that same sense of purpose when they think of me. My family is really about love and we have a strong bond because we have no other family here. Everyone else is back home in Nigeria so we just have each other. Sometimes we’ll just sit on the floor and have a picnic in our living room. We'll put blankets on the floor and food on the floor and we’ll just eat from the same plates because that’s the kind of bond we really want to preserve in our life. We have each other, we have our ancestors—it’s a way we can move forward with strength.   “Looking back and thinking of ourselves as part of a lineage of strong, powerful people gives me a sense of purpose.” “I’m not part of the colours of the rainbow, but goshdarnit both ends of the rainbow will always touch me.” This is another great piece of perspective. The earth that you align yourself with, where people might not be looking, is actually in closest contact with the rainbow. It’s almost connective tissue. Can you talk about what inspired this line?That line was inspired by asking myself, “How do Black people see themselves?” A lot of people talk to me about lines in this poem, and they’ll say “I see myself as wood, or I see myself as the grass,” and that’s how they remain themselves. So for me, rainbows are a very important symbol—they mean peace, comfort, promise. When I hear people talk about themselves no one talks about themselves as colourful, or spontaneously flamboyant. They all have this grounded, down-to-earth way of thinking about their skin colour. And it made me think, we don’t think of ourselves as taking space. We’re always trying to be in the corners, out of sight, making space for other people. We don’t see ourselves as the rainbow—the most striking thing—so I thought how can I connect those two worlds? That’s when the line “both sides of the rainbow will always touch me” came to me. I hope it inspires other Black youths, children, and adults to see themselves as part of the rainbow because we are. They always talk about what’s at the end of the rainbow. Well...? [Laughs.] So that’s what inspired that line.  The Black Lives Matter movement asked our society to confront racial inequality last summer. Obviously, we still have a long way to go, but have you (personally) noticed any signs of progress? Or lack thereof?Honestly, I do feel like there has been progress. And I really like saying that because it’s been a very challenging journey being a Black artist in Saskatoon because there are not many other Black artists. Most people don’t proudly talk about themselves as artists, but for about five years now I’ve been able to proudly say “I am an artist, that’s who I am, deal with it.” And now other people have started coming up! The reason I started writing and performing is because someone took that step to say that there is a place for us, which is so great. But, it also leads to other issues. One thing I’ve dealt with a lot is tokenism. Lots of people will ask me to join stuff because they want to check a box for diversity. That’s why February is one of my busiest times. That’s when people will come to me. There have been a few companies who say that they want to change, they call me to perform, and then they put me all over their web page and Instagram and then that’s it. I feel like in order for us to go forward as a society it needs to not be about, "how many Black people can I put on my page?" Race should not be the first reason for wanting to know someone’s work. That’s why I really love this approach where you watched some of my poetry and you came with feedback and we were able to have a conversation about it. That’s progress. That’s beautiful progress. You came with the work and then we started talking about colour. That’s a good indicator of progress. Is there any jewellery that helps you feel empowered when you’re performing your poetry?Mmhmm. Rings. I love rings. A bunch of rings like my whole hand is always filled with rings. They’re always the—I like to say—obnoxiously giant ones. It seems like it’s back on trend to have those small round gold ones, but I like going to vintage stores and getting those big pearls. When I’m wearing rings it makes me feel like I’ve got a glove of armour on and my hands are just full of jewellery.  That’s gotta feel cool when you’re holding the mic too. Oh my gosh, yes! And the sound they make when they click together. I just love it.    You’re also a model. Do you find fashion and modelling influence your poetry or vice versa? Yeah. I actually just started modelling this year. It’s really about creating community and being able to relate to someone like the photographer or client. I don’t go to a shoot as a model. I go as a person that wants to talk to you and achieve a dream that you have, a vision that you have. That approach has influenced my poetry because it’s all about learning people’s experiences, and that inspires me to write more poetry about their lives, about their dreams, about their visions. I’ve found that when photographers and make-up artists are working they often talk about their lives and you get to see this ambitious, vivid, vision they have in their head. It’s nice to see it pour out of them. It’s nice to see that light in their eyes. I’m just like yeah! YEAH! There have been shoots where it’s supposed to be like an hour, but we ended up having two hours of just discussion, and at the end of it the photographer was like, “Oh my gosh, we were supposed to do something!” I’ve gained so many new friends this year from having this title of a model, which is such a strange relationship to have, but I think of it as just another opportunity to talk to people.  "It’s all about learning people’s experiences, and that inspires me to write more poetry about their lives, about their dreams, about their visions."  Can you talk about someone you don’t know who you love?The poet laureate of Edmonton, Nisha Patel. I saw her in Toronto and she has the brightest, determined energy and vision for her life. The way she does storytelling and the way she brings community into everything she does is really inspiring. I was having like a fangirl moment. I was in front of her and I could talk to her but I didn’t. I just stood there and watched while she talked to someone else about organizing poetry festivals. Poetry festivals are where so many poets go to get inspired. I’ll go back to a high school in Saskatoon to perform, or speak to the students, and I’ll bump into a grade 8 student and they’ll be like, “I went to this poetry festival and now I think I want to be a poet.” And I’m like “Yes! Go for it!”  "It’s all about learning people’s experiences, and that inspires me to write more poetry about their lives, about their dreams, about their visions."   Can you talk about a friend or family member you love? I have this friend Micah. It was my birthday yesterday and I don’t really celebrate my birthday. I haven’t had a birthday party since I was like thirteen, and I just turned 19 yesterday and Micah rounded up friends and they came for a safe socially-distanced gathering in my driveway. And that kind of care, like she just loves to care. She called me one day and said, “I’m on Skip the Dishes and I’m just going to send you over a pizza.” That’s her love language. One of the things that is amazing about our friendship is that we first met when we were passing each other on the street. She complimented me on my performance in a rendition of Romeo and Juliet, and I told her she’d make a great Juliet. We just randomly complimented each other as strangers. And then, three months later, I was running an errand for one of my closest friends, and she sent me to her house, and Micah was there! And she was like, “Wait a minute. You’re the person from the street!” We coincidentally ended up in the same room together. It’s been a year since then but it really feels like the universe aligned. It’s the kind of friendship where you can care a lot and not worry about the other person getting weirded out.What colour makes you feel empowered?Gold. It just feels so in tune with itself. It knows that you want it, but it just stays back. It doesn’t reach out to you. It doesn’t demand your attention like a diamond. Gold is standing in a place and allowing the world to come to it. I love that energy and that self-confidence. That’s how I aspire to be. Peace is looking forward to getting back to travelling and performing, but for now, she is doing poetry readings online. If you'd like to see one of these readings (or want updates on what Peace is up to) follow her @s.ole.peace on Instagram for details. "Gold is standing in a place and allowing the world to come to it. I love that energy and that self-confidence. That’s how I aspire to be."  Writing: Carter Selinger  Images: Molly Schikosky Photography

"I want to share my story in hopes that it might encourage women to go see their doctors or to request an early pap. It’s easy to hold difficult experiences close, put them behind you and try to move on, but I’ve found sharing my story to be a cathartic experience. And I just hope that it can make a difference for another woman out there."  In January of 2020, Rachel Mielke received a cervical cancer diagnosis, which set her on an onerous personal journey toward recovery during a year of global suffering. During this trying year she was able to find respite in simple things like deep breathing, journaling, and juicing. Family, support networks, and second opinions were also instrumental in guiding her through some incredibly difficult decisions.  “Things in life happen for you. They don’t happen to you.” Rachel often circles back to this quote when talking about her diagnosis, and it’s easy to see why she values this perspective of things “happening for you.” After all, this journey brought her closer to her advocacy work, helped her re-evaluate her work-life balance, prioritize her health, and make the big decision to move her family to Victoria. This experience gave her a sense of urgency and clarity about the changes she wanted to make in her life, and she executed those changes in a way that proves that times of great difficulty can also be times of great opportunity.    What was your initial reaction to the news? Is there anything you’d want to impart to someone who is going through that process of receiving a diagnosis?  So there are a couple steps before you get to a cervical cancer diagnosis. First you have an abnormal pap, and then you see a gynecologist and have a biopsy done. So, obviously, there were indications that cancer was a possibility. Still, it came as quite a shock because throughout those steps, I was constantly being reassured because it was my first abnormal pap. After I got the news about the abnormal pap, I talked to so many women who’d gone through the same thing, and I’d learned that an abnormal pap can mean many different things; it doesn’t necessarily mean cancer. I was also reassured by the fact that it took almost 8 months for me to get a biopsy. I thought, “Well, gosh, they wouldn’t let this much time pass if it was something really serious.” In hindsight, I think I would’ve been a bit pushier and tried to get things moved along quicker.  When I did get the cancer diagnosis last January, one thing I wish I would’ve done is taken someone with me to the doctor because receiving that news alone was really difficult. I wish I hadn’t driven away from that doctor’s office by myself. I was in such a challenging head space. So, for every subsequent appointment, I took a notebook and my husband because I found the appointments so emotionally intense. It was hard for me to rationally receive information. I had to write everything down and then discuss the appointment afterwards with my husband when I was able to better process the information. What kind of treatment did you receive? What stage of cancer was it?  Fortunately it was caught very early, but when I was first diagnosed there was a period of time (several weeks) where we had no idea how bad it was. I had started going to the doctor because I’d been feeling unwell for almost a year. So when this diagnosis came up, I immediately went to the worst case scenario. Those first few weeks were really challenging. When you have cervical cancer, step one is an in-person exam where they see if they can feel or see anything. The doctor didn’t see or feel anything so she thought it was early, but the diagnosis is not definitive until you have a hysterectomy. I had to wait about six weeks in between diagnosis and surgery. Six weeks without a definitive stage diagnosis. That was really hard.  The next step is an examination by your oncologist. The oncologist  does a procedure  called a LEEP where they take about half of your cervix. It’s a quick little procedure that you’re fully awake for, and my doctor hoped that since it was at an early stage, they’d remove the cancer with the LEEP. Unfortunately, after the procedure, there were some differing opinions among  the pathologists in Regina about whether they’d gotten it all and they decided to send the LEEP results for a second opinion. When the second opinion came back, they found they hadn’t gotten all of the cancer. That was obviously more scary news because there’s just so much you don’t know. The next step was a hysterectomy. My doctors gave me an option: “Do you want to keep your ovaries, or do you want us to take them?” My initial reaction was “take it all.” But, honestly I had great advice from a family member who is a physician, and one of my friends (a gynecological pathologist) who was able to send me a lot of information and say, “New information has come out, Rachel. There is a very small chance that this has invaded your ovaries at this stage, and there are more risks of taking your ovaries.” So that was a big decision to take or leave my ovaries. My surgeon seemed more on the side of taking it all out. And of course you want to take your surgeon’s guidance, but because we had that second opinion, I had the time to make the decision to keep my ovaries. That’s a big deal, especially for bone and heart health. So again, I feel fortunate to have had those conversations and perspectives. The pathologists disagreeing on my report and sending it for a second opinion meant my surgery was delayed a month. That month gave us the time and information I needed to make an educated decision about whether or not to keep my ovaries. Throughout my experience I learned you really have to challenge the process and ask questions and get perspectives from other medical professionals. Don't take your diagnosis, prognosis or treatment at face value without asking a lot of questions and seeking a second opinion. Every patient has the right to ask for a second opinion whether your doctors think you need one or not. "If there is one message I’d really like to stress, it’s that every woman needs a pap and young men and women should be getting the HPV vaccine." Pap tests are awkward at best. For some, they’re quite scary. Is there anything you’ve learned that has helped make them less daunting? My experience with paps is that I’ve always had them regularly. My perspective is, “If I’d been born a hundred years ago this technology wouldn’t be available.” We’re so lucky to have these tests! So as inconvenient or uncomfortable as a pap may be, it’s just such a small price to pay compared to what you go through with cancer. And that’s what a pap is for, it’s to detect it early, and if you can catch it early you can treat it so easily and prevent invasive, devastating other treatments that you’ll need if a cancer does progress.  One thing I found out was in Saskatchewan there is only a 52% uptake in the pap program, which means a lot of women are opting out of getting a pap, which is very worrisome. [Check your provincial guidelines for screening procedures.] The stories of women who have been diagnosed with advanced-stage cervical cancer are just so heartbreaking and unnecessary. If there is one message I’d really like to stress, it’s that every woman needs a pap and young men and women should be getting the HPV vaccine. Is there anything that you discovered along the way that helped you get through these procedures? Maybe things that helped your mindset, or approach, or forms of self-care before and after the procedure that you found helpful?  I’d been working with a business coach for several years before I was diagnosed and so having that resource was certainly helpful. Had I not had him, I would’ve reached out to a counsellor or psychologist. The day I received the diagnosis, Keith, my coach, actually encouraged me to go through an exercise of journaling my thoughts and feelings out onto the paper and facing a worst-case scenario. He thought it was important that I go to that point mentally and emotionally in the first days of my diagnosis so that regardless of the outcome—I was mentally prepared. That was an incredibly challenging exercise. I actually burnt that journal after the cancer was gone as a celebration of that chapter coming to a close. I’d also say that journaling every day was one of the most powerful tools I came across. It took the worst thoughts and anxiety I had over my diagnosis and the impending surgeries and gave me a safe place to put those thoughts. Obviously the support of my family and friends and professionals and getting as much information as I could was vital. But, for the emotional side, journaling and the Wim Hof breathing technique was very helpful when the anxiety was so overwhelming. There were times when I was in such an intense emotional state and my husband would suggest, “Let’s do Wim Hof breathing.” And that would bring me out of that state quickly. It was also important to connect with as many people as possible who had positive stories related to cancer. Just knowing that these women were out there was really helpful in those first few weeks.  After a diagnosis, you just experience this overwhelming lack of control. For me, as a CEO, I’ve spent my life feeling in control of my destiny. Experiencing this utter loss of control was especially challenging. One thing that I could focus on doing was juicing (laughs). Juicing helped my mental state—just the process of getting those fresh organic vegetables and chopping them and juicing them, and then chugging that terrible stuff back—it helped get me through the months after my diagnosis. And I do think it helped my body get stronger. "The diagnosis forced me to step back and ask myself difficult questions and make changes in my life, and for that I’m in a better place." What would you say to a person who is nervous about getting tested? The provincial guidelines for Saskatchewan are if you’ve had consecutive normal pap tests you don’t require a test for another 3 years, and those are the guidelines that I was following. You can still develop cancer in that three-year window. If you don’t feel well, don’t just say, “Oh the guidelines say to get tested every three years. I’ll wait until then.” No, go sooner! Don’t wait. Nobody is going to advocate for you. You have to get tested and ask questions, challenge what they tell you, and get a second opinion. If you feel like something is off, go sooner. You don’t need to wait three years if you aren’t feeling well. Especially now, with the pandemic it’s so easy to say: “I don’t want to go because of Covid,” and put it off and I’d just like to encourage women not to do that.  For many women cervical cancer treatment affects certain biological processes that are synonymous with femininity. Some of the surgery and radiation therapy can trigger menopause, or eliminate your chances of getting pregnant. In what ways do you think femininity and womanhood transcend these more traditional, biological associations?   I want to make this very clear that these are my own personal feelings about my journey because views on masculinity and femininity are so individual. But if there is anything that this journey taught me it’s that there is so much more to masculinity and femininity than the biological. I believe that men and women both possess a feminine side and a masculine side. I had to have a hysterectomy, but I’d had children already so I didn’t find that the operation had a big impact on how I felt about myself. When you come to this potentially life-threatening diagnosis—and this realization that there are these parts that you might have to sacrifice in order to move forward, for me, the parts became less important. They became something I had to say goodbye to, but it didn't change how I felt about my femininity. But, if this had happened earlier in my life, and I’d lost the chance to have children, I think that would be challenging.  "The journey of life is to feel this wide range of emotions—we allow ourselves to feel them, and we can come to each other for support."  I know women’s advocacy is a big part of your life—within and outside of H&B. How has your diagnosis affected your work in that area? I’m the co-chair of Women Leading Philanthropy, an organization that funds transformative healthcare initiatives led by female physicians. This past year one of the funded projects focussed on physiologic mechanisms underlying ovarian follicular waves during the menstrual cycle. One side of it was menopause, but the other side was helping women who have had a cervical cancer diagnosis begin to harvest their eggs almost immediately as opposed to delaying their cancer treatments while waiting for the next egg release cycle.  So my passion for this work—I mean, I was passionate before—but now I’m so passionate because when a woman who is of childbearing age has a cervical cancer diagnosis, quite often that could mean she won’t be able to have kids. It’s different for everyone but that is a risk potentially. Of course as women, our femininity transcends our ability to bear children but what is so important to me is that women have the ability to have choices. You mentioned that everyone has a masculine and feminine side. Did you find yourself more in touch with either side throughout this journey?  Yes. Someone once told me that things in life happen for you, they don’t happen to you; that can sometimes be a difficult perspective to accept when you’re going through something like cancer. But, after looking back, I see that what I went through gave me the opportunity to be vulnerable and, honestly, I had to be vulnerable to survive it emotionally because it felt so crushing at times. I had to be willing to talk about it and open up to people. I needed to cry a lot. Those are all things I don’t normally find myself doing, but they were powerful healing tools and human connection requirements. When I look at who I am today versus who I was a year ago, I feel like I’m much more in touch with my feminine side and really thankful to be on this journey to embrace both sides fully and without judgement.  If I need to cry, I just do that and I’m not afraid to show that side of myself to my children. So when they see Mommy cry they know it’s normal and it's ok. We’ve normalized that behaviour. The journey of life is to feel this wide range of emotions—we allow ourselves to feel them, and we can come to each other for support.  How does a diagnosis like this affect your life and work? Your family?  When you look at an experience like this as something “that happens for you” then you’re kind of given a blank slate. I wanted to take the time after my diagnosis to step back and re-evaluate every aspect of my life—my work, where we lived, and time spent with my children, husband and extended family. After re-evaluating, I decided to embark on a series of changes. We made the decision to move to Victoria to be closer to several members of our family. I challenged myself to step back from my work a little bit and find more time to spend with my husband and my children. My health has become my number one priority and that change has been a lot of fun. I have all of these passions that I never knew I had. I found out that I love mountain biking! I can’t wait to go out on the weekend and bike around a mountain, mud and all. It’s fun, challenging and empowering! It has helped me gain back confidence that I lost going through this journey. Before, I might have thought, “Oh it's a bit frivolous to take three hours to go mountain biking,” but now I realize that time makes me a better mom, wife, and CEO. Prioritizing my health has set a good example for everyone. It’s important for my mental and physical health and it’s been super empowering to give myself permission to make that a priority in my life. There’s been a remarkable change in how I feel. I haven’t had this much energy since having kids (chuckling).  It’s often said that we learn the most in times of great struggle. Do you feel like this journey has given you some wisdom? Or a valuable new perspective on life? Without a doubt. As challenging as going through this was—and it pretty much went from one crisis to another with cancer in January, and then surgery in February, and then Covid in March—I sort of thought, “Oh my gosh, how much more can I handle?” But again all of those things were open doors for our family to re-evaluate where and how we were living. The most important thing throughout this has been the chance to refocus. I do think that there was a tremendous amount of learning that came out of this whole experience. I feel grateful for where I am today versus where I was 12 months ago. The diagnosis forced me to step back and ask myself difficult questions and make changes in my life, and for that I’m in a better place. I’m also extremely thankful that my cancer was found early, and that I didn’t require any cancer treatment after my hysterectomy. So many women are not so lucky; their journeys will look very different from mine. But knowing that early detection is so critical to a positive outcome, I want to share my story in hopes that it might encourage women to go see their doctors or to request an early pap. It’s easy to hold difficult experiences close, put them behind you and try to move on, but I’ve found sharing my story to be a cathartic experience. And I just hope that it can make a difference for another woman out there.   If you’re looking for access to healthcare support, including pap testing, please follow the links below for cervical cancer screening information by province. If you’d like to help improve visibility, awareness, and availability surrounding pap testing and the HPV vaccine, consider donating to organizations like Planned Parenthood or The Federation of Medical Women in Canada.  Saskatchewan  Manitoba Alberta  British Columbia For more on Rachel's journey, follow her on Instagram and Facebook.

"I believe feeling good in your own skin starts with self love. Self love can be really hard sometimes, but I truly believe that practicing being kind to yourself, and seeking out resources can help everyone become better at owning who we are." It's an earring party, and you're invited. Influenced by the lives and styles of women we admire, The Look was created to celebrate what the incredible women in our community are thinking, doing, and wearing. Inspired by Amara Haywood, this edition of The Look features earring stacks — from subtle studs to statement hoops. Advocate for body positivity, racial equality, and women's rights, Amara is one of our H&B style muses. She inspires us with her fashion sense, creative layering techniques, and use of personal style for embracing self-love and expression.   H&B: What's the key to a successful earring party? How do you layer your earrings? My current jewellery style is everyday maximalist with simple gold pieces. I always start with my first holes, and decide what my “feature earring” will be – whether it’s a hoop, statement earrings or stud. My second holes usually takes a supporting role, and I look for different shapes, stones and metals that will complement my feature earring. My third hole is always the cherry on top. This earring is typically small and simple, but complements the two other pieces.  What's your go-to earring look? As of right now, the charm hoops in gold with the pearl charm have been an everyday essential for me. The pearl is detachable, and the hoop alone is the perfect everyday gold hoop. You can pretty much always find my gold Clara Hoops in my second holes as they are an everyday staple. From head (or ears) to toe, describe your ideal fall outfit. My favourite part of dressing for fall is layering different textures. My ideal fall outfit would include a silky midi skirt, a graphic t-shirt (usually featuring one of my favourite bands), a knit cardigan, a leather jacket (in case I get too cold), paired with a pair of ankle boots. I love my accessories, and am usually wearing a headband or hat, and of course my favourite Hillberg & Berk pieces, which is currently the Beryl Herringbone Choker, Charm Hoops and the Petite Pearl Hoop Earrings.  What social cause are you most passionate about, and why? Narrowing this question down was difficult, as I think we have all learned a lot about different social causes. 2020 was an eye-opening year for many people, myself included. But the core cause in my life has been the feminist movement. Growing up with strong women, it was always instilled in me to have a passion for female empowerment, which developed into a genuine interest in the social and political movement. Throughout my education in University, I was exposed to feminism which sparked my participation in community events as well as local and online activism. This grew into an interest in different branches of feminism and how they relate to my world, including the body positivity movement, racial equality and women’s rights.  What's your favourite thing about fall? To put it simply – everything. Canada can have some crazy weather, but fall temperatures are always the most comfortable for me. The colours are amazing, and nature always puts on a show in the autumn months across the country. And of course, Halloween. In October you can always find movies like Beetlejuice playing in my house. Any tips for feeling good in our own skin? What works for you? I think as women we can be really critical of ourselves, but I believe feeling good in your own skin starts with self love. Self love can be really hard sometimes, but I truly believe that practicing being kind to yourself, and seeking out resources can help everyone become better at owning who we are. For me, I am really aware of the language I use when I am talking about myself, specifically my body and take time to reflect through different methods when I am being critical.  When do you feel most empowered? I feel the most empowered when I am connecting with other women. I am lucky to be surrounded by such influential, and passionate women in my work life, friendships and family. Click to shop Amara's favourite earring stacks. 

“I write for the same reasons I practice law: to use my voice for positive change.”  In light of Person’s Day on October 18, we’re getting political with Paula Ethans, a human rights lawyer, writer, and feminist reform advocate based in Winnipeg. In this Q&A, we chat with Paula about what the iconic Person’s Case did (and didn’t) do for Canadian women, why she’s never wanted to be “just a lawyer,” and how we can use social media and personal style to create positive change.  H&B: Can you tell us a bit about the person’s case and why it matters? The Person’s Case, Edwards V. Canada, was a constitutional ruling in 1929 that established the right of women to be appointed to the Senate. It’s called the Person’s Case because it was a challenge to the interpretation of the Constitution—then known as the British North America Act—that didn’t consider women to be “persons.” The Act referred to “persons” being in the Senate, and this case determined that women were “persons,” too.  This case cleared the way for women to serve on public bodies, including the Senate, and to be in important decision-making positions, but I think it’s also important to talk about what this case wasn’t. This wasn’t a cure-all or a picture-perfect feminist act. Members of the Famous Five [the group of women who pushed the case forward] supported the eugenics movement and compulsory sterilization of those considered mentally deficient—they were overtly racist and ableist. So I think it’s important to acknowledge that, while these Canadian feminist heroes helped some women for sure, they harmed others. It’s not enough to just celebrate this day in history; we also have to interrogate it.  Why did you decide to become a lawyer, and specifically a human rights lawyer? I’ve never been able to imagine myself in a career that wasn’t serving others. I decided to go to law school specifically to become a human rights lawyer because I wanted the law to be one of the things in my tool belt to help advocate for justice. That’s why I don’t identify as just a lawyer. I’m a writer, a poet, an organizer—and a lawyer. I’m using all these channels for advocacy.  Can you explain what you do as a feminist legal reform advocate? Feminist legal reform is, in its simplest terms, pressuring governments and courts to change laws and policies that adversly affect women or other marginalized communities. This can look like many different things: starting a petition, forming a coalition, writing open letters to governments, or acting as an intervener in a constitutional case. I work with a women’s legal NGO called NAWL (National Association of Womens and the Law) that’s been around for decades fighting laws that harm women. I’m a reseracher for various projects and, in particular, I created and facilitated a workshop called A Feminist Guide to Social Media and Activism, which is about helping students and organizations use social media as a tool to enact change.  Any quick tips for using social media for change? First, don’t be intimidated by it. Just do it, get on, make an account on Twitter, start a TikTok page, make a website—just create a presence. I would also say that, especially when you’re getting started, you should be doing a lot more listening than talking. One of the benefits of social media is that you get to hear perspectives you wouldn’t encounter in your daily life. I have learned so much from following Indigenous land defenders, trans activists—people I might not come in contact with on a daily basis but whose perspectives have really informed my feminism and how I advocate for social change. How does your law practice intersect with your writing life, and vice versa? Almost all of my writing is on social justice issues, so it’s directly connected with me being a human rights lawyer. Most people are intimidated by the law because it’s very inaccessible. So I love taking a complex topic—let’s say Canada’s migration policy—and translating all that legal jargon into a few straightforward pages that someone can digest and then go talk about with their friends and family. I write for the same reasons I practice law: to use my voice for positive change.  What’s a social issue you’re particularly passionate about right now? I’m very passionate about highlighting and fighting against the racist structures of law enforcement, the criminal justice system, and the prison industrial complex. It’s just in so many more facets of our lives than we notice. I’ve identified as an abolitionist for years, but as conversations about defunding the police have gone into the mainstream in the wake of George Floyd’s murder, the advocacy around this issue has really gained momentum. Every human rights issue is so deeply intertwined that, if you’re passionate about one, you kind of have to be passionate about all of them. But given our current political climate, I’m throwing all my weight behind abolition. How does your personal style intersect with your professional life?  Like everything, I think style is political. Our make-up, jewellery, fashion—these are ways for women to affirm our autonomy, to put our money where our mouth is, and to showcase what we support. Fashion is a way for us to present ourselves to the world in the way we want to be seen. It’s also a way for us to be allies, and to fight against things like worker exploitation and climate crisis. We can actively choose to support Indigenous creators. We can actively choose to support Black-owned businesses. We can make the move to reject fast fashion. Lastly, we can literally spell out what we believe! My aunt is an artist and I love to screen-print shirts with her, often with a political message.  Do you have any advice for young women pursuing a career in law or justice advocacy? There are countless tips and tricks for navigating law school, or landing an internship with the UN, but I think the most important thing for people interested in advocacy is to know what moves them. Whatever makes your blood boil—work on that. The form in which we work—as a journalist, lawyer, social worker, politician—will always be trickier to pin down, and it might even change. But the content should be more clear. Work on what moves you, what makes you get out of bed, what makes your heart pound—out of excitement and out of rage. If you don't have your whole body behind your advocacy, it can be hollow, so make sure you pick the field with care. Writing: Mica Lemiski Images: Supplied

From 2019-2020, H&B participated in a social entrepreneurship project to bring meaningful work to a women’s collective in Mandalay, Myanmar. Alongside these artisans and our partners, we worked to design and manufacture a new Sparkle Ball™ colour: Shimmer  How it began Empowering women has always been at the heart of Hillberg & Berk, but we wanted to take things a step further by giving a group of talented but systemically impoverished women the resources necessary to empower themselves. We partnered with the Ostro Foundation and Fair Share Myanmar to create jobs and a positive work environment for a collective of women in Mandalay, Myanmar. The task at hand? Creating Sparkle Balls™ in a brand new colour. The colour story Once in Myanmar, we brainstormed with our new team and collectively decided on a light, slightly-iridescent gold—a colour inspired by a natural facial cosmetic called Thanakha. Many women in Myanmar prize Thanakha for its aesthetic value and sun-blocking properties. Several women in the collective wore it daily!  From her hands to yours Each Shimmer Sparkle Ball™ has been handcrafted by a talented woman artisan. The creation process, which involves hand-placing Swarovski crystals into gold clay, takes incredible attention to detail. From the start, these women were up to the task. After a series of lessons with us, they began to make Shimmer the reality we hoped it would be. About the workplace We prioritized a positive working environment with proper tools and equipment, regular nine-to-five weekday hours, fair pay, regular breaks, supportive employers, and freedom to express religious identity. These conditions are human rights and should never be sacrificed for the sake of profit or convenience. It’s not revolutionary; it’s just right.  About the artisans Each woman in our Myanmar collective was hired by husband and wife team Raihan and Thuzar (the co-founders of Fair Share Myanmar). They selected these women based on potential and need: each came from a highly vulnerable, systematically-impoverished community where low pay, long hours, unsafe working conditions, and high levels of debt made it extremely difficult for them to properly care for themselves and their families.  Social impact There are innumerable social and economic benefits that come to communities who place women in positions of economic independence and agency. The Myanmar Project was a way to kick-start those benefits and to rethink the way businesses “do good” in our world. Instead of giving these women goods or money, we gave them a business model, and with that, a chance to do meaningful work in their communities. We reversed the traditional business model of investing in profit first, then donating it back to communities.  Why wear Shimmer? To support women’s economic independence To bridge a global connection  To celebrate cultural difference To empower women you don’t know To empower women you do know To empower yourself. Click here to shop Shimmer.

"I’m a person who wears many hats. Some days you’ll catch me as an entrepreneur. Other days you’ll catch me as a daughter, a sister, or a student. If you boil it down, the common denominator is that I’m a person who is trying to do something bigger than herself, and to help other people." In celebration of International Day of the Girl, we’re spotlighting social entrepreneur Mylene Tu. A management engineering student at the University of Waterloo, Mylene is also the co-founder and CEO of Lumaki Labs (formerly FEM in STEM), a startup that helps connect students and employers through virtual internships. We chatted with Mylene about her goals for the startup, the gender disparity in STEM (the combined fields of science, technology, engineering, and math), and why she loves to “put a ring on” her accomplishments.  H&B: What was the inspiration behind your startup, Lumaki Labs, and what are your goals with it now? As a female in engineering, I realized early on that there was a big disparity in the number of boys versus girls. Even when I was putting myself out there, going to events and conferences, I didn’t see much representation in terms of women and young people. That sparked me to start my first venture, FEM in STEM, which was a social enterprise to help empower other young women and provide them with resources to succeed in STEM.  Then last year, I started Lumaki Labs. It’s an edtech startup that focuses on revolutionizing the future of work through virtual internships. As a student, internships are invaluable in terms of gaining real world experience and just figuring out what adulting is like! For myself and my peers, a lot of these opportunities have disappeared or been canceled because of covid. At Lumaki, we saw an opportunity to shine a light on how people provide experiential learning and create opportunities for students to work virtually and attain experiences they might not have access to otherwise. The platform we’re currently building is designed to help employers recruit and onboard interns virtually.  Is there a way that these virtual internships are more accessible to women? As a young woman in STEM, you do hear those horror stories about tech bros and how your ideas can get drowned out in meetings. But in a virtual setting—especially in times like these—everyone is looking for new connections and a sense of community, which I think translates to increased opportunity for women, but also just all people, to speak out. Traditionally, people look for internships close to home because it’s hard to pay rent or commute a lot when you’re an intern, but when things are virtual, you can access opportunities outside your home town. It also gives employers a chance to reach different demographics of people and diversify their talent pools. What do you think are some barriers that prevent women from becoming involved in STEM in the first place? One of the biggest things is exposure. I grew up in Windsor, Ontario, and so I didn’t really have a lot of exposure when it came to STEM fields. I originally entered university in chemical engineering, then broke into the technology and business side of things. But I wouldn’t have been able to do that if I didn’t have the opportunity to try different internships and stuff like that.  Another barrier is the way people talk about STEM in general. There’s a big move towards empowering women in STEM, but I’m hopeful that one day we no longer have to emphasize the fact that there’s a gender disparity. I want it to become really normal for everyone to have equal access and resources. When I ran FEM in STEM, a lot of young women would ask, “How should I deal with any kind of discrimination from male peers?” But the number one thing I always said was that you shouldn't be thinking about how you’ll react or respond to that stuff—you should just be thinking about your own career path and your success.  Using our business model as a force of good, specifically in terms of female empowerment, is really important to us at H&B. What does being a social entrepreneur mean to you personally?  For me it means building things for good. My initial impression of business was that it was all men in suits trying to make money. But as a social entrepreneur, you’re working towards something bigger than yourself, not just for the money, but for the good of other people. And during tough times when business is difficult, it’s really nice to think back to your purpose and the potential impact you’re having on people. Social entrepreneurship also means doing business in a sustainable way. Because one thing I’ve learned from my previous work with FEM in STEM, and from other strong female entrepreneurs, is that you do need that revenue to help move your mission forward. That additional capital helps you do greater things.  What excites you about the world of technology? Technology has always been confusing to me. It’s inter-rooted in our daily lives but we don’t often sit down to really think about how everything works. The not-knowing gravitates me to want to learn more. Trying to figure out how these systems work, why they have certain impacts on people, and what makes them effective—all of that interests me. Because it could be knowledge I can use to help impact other people positively.  How do fashion and accessories fit into your life? Do you use them mainly for self-expression, or for other reasons? I use my jewellery for a few different reasons. If I’m going into a pitch or an important meeting, I like to wear jewellery because it makes me feel more confident even though it’s such a small touch. Another reason is accountability. I have a habit of buying rings, especially if I want to keep a promise to myself. I remember last year I bought a little knot ring that stood for a promise I made to myself. Also, for engineers in Canada, when you graduate you get an iron ring. The whole idea of getting that ring when I graduate has been really motivating and I guess that’s played into how I view other parts of my life. If something happens with my entrepreneurship, either something that I’m proud of or want to work towards, I’ll buy a piece of jewellery.  What does empowerment mean to you personally? To me, it’s breaking free of your comfort zone in a way that only you can do. Often, with the way education is set up and the way people are raised, you just kind of wait for opportunities to come your way. You work hard because you think that getting your degree is going to guarantee you a job. But I think empowerment is being able to break free from the norm and push your own limits to define your own path. I think empowerment has a very unique meaning for each person that chases after it.  The answer to this may seem obvious, but I’m wondering if you can articulate why it’s so important to have more female representation in STEM? What are some of the tangible benefits to having this field be more diverse? You really do need diverse perspectives in order to drive new ideas and innovations forward. Half the population is made up of women, so not having those perspectives at the table—it’s really an injustice when you’re designing products you want everyone to use. From a psychological and biological perspective, the way women think and act can be so different from men, and so to be able to have both voices present when you’re actually building something will ensure your business has twice the impact. Writing: Mica Lemiski Images: Supplied

Cree trans woman. Human rights advocate. Lover of beauty, makeup and all things fair. On October 4th, a series of Sisters in Spirit vigils will be held nationwide to honour the lives of more than 1200 missing and murdered Indigenous women, girls, and gender diverse people across Canada. The disproportionate violence against Indigenous people in our country is a national tragedy, and participating in a vigil is only one of many ways we can create a safer, more respectful environment for Indigenous people in our communities. For more information on the SIS Vigil and how you can participate in person or online, click here. In honour of this year’s vigil, we’re spotlighting Chevi Rabbit, a diversity advocate and makeup artist originally from Ponoka, Alberta. In 2017, Chevi was the first trans person to be named to Avenue Magazine’s Top 40 Under 40 list in Edmonton—an accomplishment she says validated her decade’s worth of work making Alberta a more welcoming place for gender diverse people like herself. In this Q&A, we chat with Chevi about what the Sisters in Spirit vigil means to her, why she became an activist, and how she uses makeup to express her identity.  H&B: In a few sentences—who is Chevi Rabbit?  CR: I’m an Albertan Canadian advocate for human rights and gender diverse people. I’m a Cree trans woman and two-spirit person who loves beauty, makeup, and all things fair. H&B: You’re one of the organizers of the Sisters in Spirit vigil in Wetaskiwin, Alberta. What is this event about to you? It’s 100% about honouring the lives of those that have been lost to a society that, in the past, and even today, is not welcoming toward Indigenous women. When you think about women and two-spirit Indigenous people who have been murdered or gone missing, it’s because they were in vulnerable situations, which arose because society pushed them to the fringes and failed to normalize who they were as people. In a way, it’s sad that we have to have a day to honour these lost lives—because hate and ignorance, within an unjust system, are the reasons we lost them. The event is amazing, but there’s so much more work that needs to be done in terms of systemic changes. We still need to advocate for inclusivity, equity, and space for Indigenous women.  H&B: What’s your specific role in relation to the vigil?  I’m organizing a vigil in Wetaskiwin with the Minister of Indigenous Relations, Rick Wilson. It’s cool because not only is he my MLA but he’s also become a close friend, and I’ve taken on a role within his government. I’m a two-spirit consultant who helps advise The Alberta Joint Working Group on MMIWG—a group working with the Alberta government to implement action items recommended in the final report of the National Inquiry into Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls. The goal is to address calls for justice and build a province that better supports Indigenous girls and women, and my role is to advocate for the gender diverse community.  H&B: Why do you think you became an activist in the first place?  I think it comes from my upbringing and my Cree values. I’m from Montana First Nation and I grew up in Ponoko. My family has been in politics since the creation of that reserve, so well over a hundred years, and I grew up watching my aunts and uncles serve the nation. My uncle, Chief Leo Cattleman, was the longest serving chief in Canada at one time—he served our community for over 40 years. And my grandma, Sarah Schug, did amazing things in the world of childcare. She received a Centennial Award from the Alberta Government for her life’s work. These changemakers in my family inspired me to use my voice not only for me, but for others. They paved new trails and that’s what I see myself doing, too. There was also an incident in 2012. I was in my fourth year of Native Studies at the U of A, and I was working as a makeup artist for Murale Cosmetics, Holt Renfrew, and as a regional makeup artist for L'Oreal. One day while walking to get groceries I was assaulted—simply because of my appearance. At the time I was expressing myself through fashion and makeup, just really living my best life. I couldn’t believe I’d been assaulted—just for the way I looked. And so I began to advocate for change through a campaign called Hate to Hope. In speaking up, I realized there were so many other people in Alberta who’d been feeling unheard and silenced. And so I went all out to create change for Alberta’s LGBTQ2S community. I rallied with the government, sent out letters, went to events, joined committees, and started speaking at schools and conferences. It was all to make sure people like me aren’t assaulted when all they’re doing is living their best lives. H&B: Who are some of your role models?  My life is shaped by my mother, Lavenia Schug. She raised me with love, respect and dignity, and encouraged me to pursue my education, dreams and self-improvement. Without this support system I might have been just another statistic but because of the love I received from my mom, family, aunts and cousins, I know I’m valued. In recent years I’ve leaned on my aunty Shirley Rabbit—a respected Cree Elder in Maskwacis Alberta—for spiritual guidance and reconnection with my Cree cultural roots. I find I need to live in two worlds to be successful.  H&B: I’d love to hear about how your interest in fashion and makeup began. I came out as a gender diverse person when I was very young and it wasn’t a big deal. It was like, oh, that’s Chevi, and Chevi can be whatever Chevi wants to be. And I had this fascination with my aunts, who would always dress up. One of my great aunts loved fur, and another aunty loved to travel the world and bring back all this cute artwork. I loved their elegance and sophistication. I thought they were so pretty and it planted a seed. Ever since then I’ve been fascinated with makeup and fashion and beauty. H&B: What’s your own makeup routine like?  Right now I’m at an age where I need skincare! I think of my face as a canvas that needs to be maintained. It requires love and respect. I really focus on my eyebrows because they’re the architects of the face, and I like to stick to very light, natural makeup. Nudes are my favourite. If I’m feeling lively I’ll put on a bright colour, but I don’t like it to be too noisy. So if I have bright lips I’ll have quiet eyes and less contouring.  H&B: How do you use fashion and makeup to express your identity? I use fashion and makeup to express my femininity and gender. As a Cree trans woman, I’ve been blessed with very feminine features, but in order to get rid of the hard edges, the masculinity within me, I have to feminize my face through makeup. When I got certified as a makeup artist at Marvel College, I freelanced all over Alberta and worked for every local fashion designer in Edmonton and Calgary. I’ve even worked with women like Ashley Callingbull. She did so much for our community and I really congratulate her for winning Miss Universe. I've also worked with model Michaella Shannon and actress Linsday Willer. Both ladies have done great things for Indigenous representation in mainstream media.  H&B: What’s your favourite way to practice self-care?  I love to go on small, local staycations. I’ll book a hotel and just isolate myself for like three days with a book. I grew up seeing my mom love books—she used them to escape—and she passed that love down to me. My life is so busy, and so it’s good to isolate, recenter, read a good book, and just forget about everything for a while.  H&B: Do you have any guiding words for people facing discrimination or barriers? Just know it will get better. It will. Create those circles of friends who will support and help you. It takes time to cultivate those kinds of friends, but that’s part of the process of living in this world. The world has an ugly side, but you have to understand how to navigate it, while knowing that as a person you are valued, loved, and needed. Look for role models, positive examples, and become your own advocate. And finally remember that challenges are inevitable. Don’t over-give, and just keep going. Writing: Mica Lemiski Images:  Soko Fotohaus,  Darlene Hildebrandt,  Aaron Pedersen,  Talvinder Singh

Meet Kam Bahia: High school teacher, founder of I Am: H.E.R., a workshop program focussed on empowering teenaged girls, and one of the amazing women that inspired The Look. Influenced by the lives and styles of women we admire, The Look was created to celebrate what these incredible women are thinking, doing, and wearing. Featuring stylish chain pieces, these designs are inspired by real women in our community, like Kam, and we hope wearing them serves as a reminder to always embrace your own authentic look.  We asked Kam everything from how she incorporates these designs into her everyday style to why she feels it's important for brands to represent everyday women, and even her favourite skincare tips. Get to know her, and her bright personality, below! H&B: What do you like most about wearing jewellery chains?Kam: They make me feel beautiful but with the minimalist, carefree look. They don’t take up much space on my skin, they don’t overshadow my entire neck line, but yet somehow still make a loud, radiant statement. The dainty look is what I am drawn to; a gold or rose gold chain choker. I feel like the chain speaks for itself and for the woman wearing it, she says, “I am gentle, I am kind, but look out world, I do indeed shine!!!” And the world NEEDS our unique glow!  What outfit (clothes and accessories) makes you feel most like yourself?High-waisted jeans or pants and just a plain white T-shirt with sneakers. I grew up playing soccer, so I am most comfortable in sneakers. And as for accessories, a single dainty chain choker and dainty rings. When it’s time for a girls night out, I will substitute my sneakers for platform sneakers to really take it up a notch! Why do you think it’s important for brands to feature everyday women as models? The appeal of the real, is SO real. In a world that is evolving every single day, with that comes the evolution of the word, “beauty." I think we are in a time that we have to learn to redefine the word “beauty." Models are used to promote a product, and they do so flawlessly. But I believe when you share “regular” customers wearing a product that they love and willingly associate themselves with that brand, those images just breed an organic, and just as flawless, image and feeling of beauty. It’s just a natural extension of marketing, but it’s coupled with women who are believing in and supporting these brands because that brand makes HER feel beautiful. And truthfully, if a woman feels beautiful emotionally, spiritually, mentally, socially, and physically, she is literally unstoppable! What’s your wake-up ritual like?First foremost, I take time doing my daily devotional. Gets me in the right mindset. From there, I am ready to tackle the day. In my months off, I will head straight into a workout. For the months I am working, it's right into the shower and getting ready for work. On my drive to work, I drink a hot water with lemon and listen to my favourite podcasts. What’s your top skincare tip?Don’t cringe…but soap (hand soap or body soap bar) and warm water. Stems from my mother who was born and raised in India and that’s all they used and that’s how I was raised. Why break the generational routine, right?! It’s Sunday and you’ve got no plans. How do you fill your day?I put in quality time with my distant siblings, also known as Netflix, Crave,  and Amazon Prime. Can’t have them feel too neglected!What’s something you’re obsessed with that most people aren’t?Herbal Essence shampoo and conditioner. Also, in saying that, I am also obsessed with showering. I take 2-3 showers a day, and I wash my hair everyday…sorry to all the hairstylists out there. You’re the founder of “I Am H.E.R.” Why is providing tools to support young women and build their confidence something you’re particularly passionate about? Every decision we make is rooted in our self-worth. Unfortunately, our youth are facing an epidemic of self-doubt. It is our responsibility as an older generation to nurture and empower the younger generations. I am dedicated to having young females realize their full potential through encouragement and self-belief. If we can cultivate positive change in our younger generations’ lives, they in turn will then model positive change to others around them. What ingredient do you use most in your cooking?Garlic powder!What advice would you give to girls or women struggling to make peace with their bodies? Is there a piece of wisdom that has helped you personally?Out of 7+ billion people in the world, not one other human being has the same body as you. Not one other woman in this world has the same curves as you, the same skin as you, the same smile as you. I have curves, I have a butt, but with that, comes cellulite and stretch marks. But I wouldn’t give up any of that to share the same figure with any other woman who is absent of those things. In fact, in order to have the butt I love so much, I had to get stretch marks and cellulite, so in a way, dare I say I'm actually thankful for those features. We truly are unique creatures. Our world NEEDS our uniqueness. Our uniqueness in our bodies, our shapes, our skin, our languages, and everything in between. Each woman’s uniqueness should be defined as perfection. Because there really is nothing else out there like it. There is no one else out there in this world like me or you, actually THINK about it, cling onto those words. THERE IS NO ONE IN THIS WORLD LIKE YOU!! How incredible is that?!

“Cycling has helped me accept my vision loss. I’m at peace with it now.” Carla Shibley is pedaling hard. Seated at the back of the tandem bike she shares with teammate Meghan Brown, she pumps her legs relentlessly, trying to catch up to the pair of riders she knows must be just around the bend. It’s the 2019 Canadian National Road Race. She and Meghan have a shot of winning—if they make up some ground. Her legs burn; sweat pours.  But something feels off to Carla. Where is the leading team? Given how fast she and Meghan have been riding, shouldn’t they be caught up by now? Carla doesn’t let this thought distract her too much. She continues pedaling and follows Meghan’s instructions. Harder, let’s go, keep pushing. She recites the team mantra internally. The pain is temporary.  Meanwhile, Meghan is keeping a secret: she and Carla aren’t chasing the leader; they are the leader. The reason Carla doesn’t know this is because she has only two per cent central vision. At ten years old, Carla was diagnosed with juvenile macular degeneration, and ever since then, a large black spot has been growing in her line of sight, eclipsing her vision. “I don’t know when the lights are gonna go out,” she says. But she does know it will happen eventually.  Which means Meghan is much more than an ordinary teammate or tandem pilot. On the road, she is Carla’s eyes. Not only does Meghan steer the bike, but she also instructs Carla on how to prepare and respond to the terrain. Is there a hill coming up? A steep corner to ease up for? Meghan relays this information verbally—sometimes using code words if they’re in competition—or through a sort of leg-language. “I’ll ease off on the pedals a tiny bit and Carla knows right away to ease off. It’s almost like she can read my mind.” And while Carla is usually able to judge her and Meghan’s race position by counting the competitors they have or have not passed (she still has partial peripheral vision) she has miscalculated in this particular race. “We made an attack and got away really early in the race,” Meghan recalls. “We kept pushing to increase that gap. But Carla thought we were chasing.” When they cross the finish line—first—Carla doesn’t know they’ve won. Meghan tries to tell her the good news, but Carla thinks it’s a joke. “I was so dumbfounded. It didn’t sink in.”  Carla’s shock lasts until she’s on top of the podium—top centre. “My hands were shaking. I was like, what? Is this a joke? Am I being pranked?’” As cameras click and fans cheer, Carla and Meghan raise their arms high, trophies in hands, medals shining.  It is definitely not a prank. “I’ll ease off on the pedals a tiny bit and Carla knows right away to ease off. It’s almost like she can read my mind.” Two months later, they’re back on the podium—again, top centre. They’re in Lima, Peru, having just finished their final event at the 2019 Parapan Am Games, an international, multi-sport event that only occurs once every four years, similar to the Olympics or Paralympics. It’s Carla and Meghan’s fourth time on the podium this year in Lima. They’ve won two golds, a silver, and a bronze. They’ll return to Canada with much heavier bags.  No doubt their performance has edged them closer to making Team Canada and heading to Tokyo for the Paralympic Games, now being held in 2021. “But we’re hopefuls, not shoe-ins,” says Meghan. “The selection process is still being finalized and will depend on some races next year.” But they certainly look like Team Canada material. Watching Meghan and Carla ride—legs churning exactly in-sync, heads bowed at identical angles—it’s easy to assume they’ve been riding together since childhood. But it’s only been two years. After meeting at a cycling club in Calgary, they began training together upon the suggestion of a mutual friend. “I was terrified at first,” Meghan admits. “Tandem bikes are very big and very fast. It’s not like riding a road bike by yourself at all.”  Carla had almost no fear at all. At the time, she was willing to ride the bike with pretty much anyone. “I can teach you to ride in two minutes!” she’d say to prospective partners, downplaying the steep learning curve. “I think it really scared a lot of people.” “The more you ask for help, the more you’ll see that people are willing to give it.”  Meghan was able to keep her initial fears in check by taking a slow and steady approach to learning. That easing-in turned out to be crucial for establishing a solid, sustainable partnership. “I’ve had a few different pilots,” Carla says. “But the difference with Meghan was her conservative approach. It allowed us to build a foundation.”  Now, their sense of trust is iron-clad. “I can be on the back of the bike with Meghan and not feel any sense of anxiety,” says Carla.  Sports haven't always been a source of calm or joy for Carla. After her childhood diagnosis, athletics were an outlet for anger but also a huge source of that anger. Her vision loss made participation in sport either difficult or impossible. At 18, she had to give up running because she was constantly near-missing running into things—most notably, small children and deer on the road. She constantly wrestled feelings of why me?, especially since her sisters were both provincial-level athletes. A wrestler and a gymnast, they derived a sense of identity from sport that Carla craved but couldn’t access. She resorted to self-deprecating humor, joking that she was “just the blind girl.” “I used jokes to stuff away my feelings about my vision loss,” she says. Wanting to help, her sister suggested she try goalball, a team sport played exclusively by people who are visually impaired. But playing goalball was a bit like trying on a pair of jeans that was designed to fit but didn’t. “The atmosphere wasn’t for me.”  Then a coach told her about Para cycling—the possibility of zooming down hills and powering up slopes with a sighted guide. “I was like, woah, a tandem exists?”  She felt hopeful. Her family felt...concerned. The fact that Carla wanted to ride a bike—without seeing the road—seemed reckless. “Everyone thought it was crazy!” she laughs. It didn’t stop her. “To this day, my mom says her heart just pounds [when she watches me ride] and I’m like, why? This is so much fun!’” "The para community I’ve been exposed to in Canada—they’re such incredible, hardworking, humble people. It’s quite powerful. I enjoy working with Carla and being a part of something bigger than just myself.” It’s been more than just fun. “Cycling has helped me accept my vision loss. I’m at peace with it now.” If she’s having a bad day, Carla will get on the bike with Meghan or her good friend Janelle and think, “ah, that felt good.” Like Carla, Meghan discovered cycling as a result of physical challenges. A multi-talented athlete and former competitive soccer player, Meghan’s sports career took a turn after a series of knee injuries led to a frank conversation with her orthopedic surgeon. To avoid further injury, the surgeon advised Meghan give up soccer and try cycling. “The week after, I went and bought a road bike. And that was that.”  But it wasn’t quite that. Her true sporting breakthrough didn’t come until she discovered tandem cycling—and specifically, a tandem teamdom with Carla. “I enjoy Para cycling and being a part of that community more than any solo cycling I’ve ever done,” Meghan says. When asked how she feels to be accepted into the Para sport community as an able-bodied person, Meghan pauses to reflect. “It’s hard to put into words, honestly. The para community I’ve been exposed to in Canada—they’re such incredible, hardworking, humble people. It’s quite powerful. I enjoy working with Carla and being a part of something bigger than just myself.” Their friendship outside of cycling carries its own power. They say they’re like sisters—unafraid to communicate their qualms but more unified because of it. They also just have a good time together. Meghan comes over for Middle Eastern dinners at Carla’s house, and they love to have those no one else would get this but us-type conversations. Chats along the lines of “what kind of mascara works best for when you have to sweat on a bike and then potentially appear on camera?” keep things light and fun between strenuous training sessions. “Finding makeup that we can wear while racing on a bike is a challenge we’ve been working on for a long time,” Meghan laughs. As for their ten year age gap? They hardly notice it. “Carla has an old soul! She surprises me with her wisdom.”  They both cite remaining positive as integral to their partnership. This optimism has been especially crucial for Carla personally, as she doesn’t know how long her partial-sightedness will last. “I’m going blind and I’m looking forward to it,” she says. “That might sound bad, but it is what it is.” She says becoming less stubborn and learning to ask for help have been essential to her acceptance. “The more you ask for help, the more you’ll see that people are willing to give it.” Her advice for anyone facing unique challenges, especially physical ones, is to find some sort of outlet, to quit making excuses for yourself, and to let negativity fall away from you like water. “We have to be waterfalls,” she says. “Especially now.”  "It’s about the experience. It’s about enjoying whatever comes at me, with Meghan.” As for competing at the 2021 Paralympic Games, Carla and Meghan say that’s definitely their goal—it would be a huge honour to represent their country at that level—but making Team Canada isn’t some kind of shining end point. “I’ve been asked before, ‘what if you don’t make it?,’” Carla says. “But it’s about the experience. It’s about enjoying whatever comes at me, with Meghan.” Writer: Mica LemiskiPhotos: Provided